Stories on Life, Love and Inspiration
Accepting What Can’t Be Changed
With Courage, Strength and Resilience!
There are many things in this unhappy world we cannot alter. We must learn to live with our lot and find peace with ourselves. Robin Jarves
You have to endure what you can’t change. Marie de France
Unfortunately, life often throws circumstances at you that you cannot change. Accept what you cannot change if possible. And let it go! Seek help if needed. At the same time find ways to make things in your life better. Finding simple things in each day that brings you peace. Turn to family and friends for comfort, support even a little joy.
Fighting the unchangeable will only make things worse. Remembering it is the circumstance that you cannot change. What you can do is try to change how you feel. Try to change how you deal with what is happening.
I battle daily with a situation that I cannot change. My husband has advanced-stage Alzheimer’s disease. I accept I cannot change this. Now I work every day to change how I feel and how I deal with what is happening to him.
My husband’s Alzheimer’s reached the stage where there is only one option. He needs 24-hour care. The 24-hour care which only an aged care nursing home provides. My oldest son saw to all which was required and Colin was moved in.
Now, the heartache for me is there in the back of my mind. Always there! We have been married for oh! so many years. A horrid sense of loss and guilt descends. I know I did my very best. To have him back and try to take care of him is not an option. After all, I am no spring chicken either.
Dealing with my grief and guilt now is an everyday battle. Dealing with my sense of helplessness when I am with him. I grieve for Colin. Yet, he is still very much alive. I miss him terribly.
This is an ongoing battle for me! Most days I win and life is amazing. Then Col rings and he is so very upset. He does not know where he is. He is so confused. We talk and he is again okay, for a while. But I’m not. I am left feeling helpless yet again. I pray to God the Father and call for His help yet again. My inner strength given by His Holy Spirit gives me the peace needed. Once more I carry on. Once more life is amazing. God loves Colin too, this is my solace!
I try to convince myself he is where he needs to be. The medical staff are thoroughly trained to look after him. Why oh! Why do I feel such guilt? Why oh! Why such a sense of loss. We talk frequently by phone. He is often away in his world. I, at times, envy this. Physically he is okay. This brings a sense of relief.
When I do go to visit. I see the confusion. His feelings of frustration show on his face. My heart breaks yet again. This disease is so cruel. We steal precious moments when the real Col returns. These precious moments of alertness. Then, oh! so swiftly the Alzheimer’s takes over once more. He slips away. My heartache returns. I am left alone. He is there, standing before me. Yet he is gone. He is no longer Colin. I am left to grieve.
I tell myself not to be so foolish. He is being looked after. Most of the time he is happy and content. Why am I so miserable? Why so riddled with guilt. Then I have a good talk to myself and tell myself all is well. And get on with life. I have done all I can do. I love Colin with all my heart. I have placed him in the tender loving hands of God the Father. I am again at peace. One day, one step at a time.
This cruel disease will not beat me. I will not let it. I cannot reverse what has happened. I can be the positive person I have always been. I will love Colin and know he, in his way, loves me. This will get me through.
Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow. Mary Anne Radmacher
Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities . . . because it is the quality which guarantees all others. Winston Churchill
Here is an interesting article on Alzheimer’s Disease.
https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/what-is-alzheimers
Life sadly places every one of us in situations we cannot change. You have. Or, you are currently facing something unchangeable. You have found your inner courage to accept this tragic inevitability.
What you are facing keeping you up at night? It is really scary! You need to access your inner courage to get you through every day.
How do I tap into my inner courage when I am having a particularly bad time? Firstly, I turn to God’s Holy Spirit, my comforter and solace in this time of fear and loneliness. He truly comforts me and brings me the peace I need to use the courage within myself.
Then I remember how I coped with all the other times I felt these fears and overwhelming emotions.
I am not saying it is easy. And the loneliness instantly disappears and never returns. I do find the courage to face each day with a smile. I am an early riser. I wake to the joy of birdsong and again Praise God for the glory of life. I do not dwell on what is missing. I live for the joy of what I have. I have life. I have two wonderful sons. I have two gifts from God. The ability to put brush to canvas and create seascape and landscape original oil painting on canvas. The ability to skip my fingers over the keyboard and create stories to benefit readers all around the world. Yes, life is wonderful.
If your heart is broken, make art with the pieces. Shane Koyczan
You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it. Margaret Thatcher
Sometimes at the close of a day, I feel all my emotions stirring, colliding and spilling over inside. There are way too many nights when sleep takes oh! so long to bring its peace-giving release.
Then of course the next day this 71-year old body is so very, very weary. I have not been and still, I am not a person to sleep in. I do not want to miss anything this wonderful day has to offer. This feeling of fatigue just wears me down. I push on regardless. This is who I am.
I survived cancer! I survived horrific domestic violence! I will conquer feeling a little tired! After all, this is nothing in comparison, is it?
I have the inner power and strength of will to recover from whatever this life throws at me. So, another cup of my favourite coffee. Off I go again into another wonderful day. When I catch myself backsliding. Feeling sorry for myself. I have a good old ‘talk to me!’. God loves me! The world is beautiful and amazing! The birds are singing! The sun is shining, etc., etc! What do I have to feel sorry for myself about?
I am reminded of a rubber band — you stretch it — let it go — it bounces back to its original state. I get stretched through the circumstances and situations I face in my life. I get stretched — good times return — and I bounce back. With the help and comfort of God the Father and His Holy Spirit, I always will.
Facing a particularly bad day, getting through and appreciating all God has blessed me with more than ever before. Another thing I have noticed about myself after experiencing this situation is that I could not change. I want to reach out and help others in a similar time of need. I hope this is what this story is achieving.
This cruel disease seems to affect the family members the hardest. I can sense their helplessness. Their feelings of not being there for their loved ones. Alzheimer’s takes more than brain cells. It takes away the capacity to be who you truly are. This is the true cruelness of this progressive disease.
I have no idea of the battle you have, (or are now), dealt with. What situation life has placed you in which could not be changed. Your inner courage, strength and resilience see you through.
You have a deeper appreciation for life now than you ever had. Your loved ones are loved by you more deeply. Your empathy for others is stronger and your desire to act calling.
You are an amazing person!
You face head-on an unchangeable obstacle!
Face it with courage, strength and resilience!
Life is wonderful once more! The sun is again shining on your amazing life!
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This article is also published in Vocal Media
